My artwork and blogging are a celebration of my love for Mother Nature. But I’m a Mother Nature-loving PHONY.
I detest bugs.
Yes. That’s how I feel. Mother Nature is a delight, but I can’t tolerate the majority of insects I come across (or who come across me) while I’m outdoors.
A while back, I was listening to a radio segment on National Public Radio in which two spider-loving gals were extolling the virtues of spiders. They were attempting to convince the audience to join their group of spider fanatics. One of them gushed over how “cute” spiders are. At the end of the segment, I remained unconvinced. I don’t like spiders. The other day I got up the courage to gently capture one I found indoors and quickly transport it outside. I deserve some kind of special dispensation from Mother Nature for that courageous gesture.
Flies are an abomination. They won’t leave a human alone. Try to enjoy a nice lunch outdoors. Try just sitting there quietly minding your own business. You’ll see.
Here’s Matt Hickman from Mother Nature Network telling us why flies love us so much. Ick.
Bees like to sting me. I’m highly sting sensitive and blow up like a balloon when stung. The sore hurts for days and then begins to itch like crazy. An itchy, painful sore is the worst. You want to itch it, but when you itch it, it hurts. That’s the definition of DILEMMA.
To lessen my encounters with bees, I tried not to plant any flowers near my patio or any seating area outdoors, but I it’s hard to enjoy relaxing on an isolated slab of concrete. Might as well set up a lawn chair in a parking lot. So, over time, I’ve trained myself not to flail and scream if a bee approaches. Not the case with wasps, however. I flail, scream and run into the house when a wasp invades my very wide personal space.
Here’s an article titled, 10 Tips to Avoid Bee Stings. After reading this, I’d add an 11th tip: Dip your body in a vat of concrete and don’t go outdoors.
Even though slugs aren’t insects, (they’re mollusks), I’m including them in this category. Who could love a slug? Maybe chickens do. As a meal, that is. But I struggle not to gag when I find one. I once trapped a GIANT slug under a large can. Then I went inside for a minute to get my phone so I could take a pic of it to prove to my sister that I had found the world’s largest slug. When I came out, the slug was gone. I freaked out and ran back indoors. It’s still out there. I know it is. Waiting for me.
David the Good over at Grow Network lists 3 easy ways to kill slugs - without poison. But two of the three included chopping them up. No.
I could endure gnats if it weren’t for the fact they travel en masse—in a GNAT CLOUD. And then stick to your sweaty skin and get caught in your hair. Gnats are on a flail and scream rating of 10, one (1) being a dead bug on the sidewalk several yards away.
Now THIS IS A GNAT CLOUD. Imagine walking through that. Arrgh.
What kind of nature’s joke are mosquitos???!!! It turns out that frantically waving your arms and hands at mosquitos is one way to get them to leave you alone. And move on to bite your calm neighbor.
After I came across a potato bug on a hike, I didn’t sleep for days afterwards. Just like when I couldn’t sleep for days after watching “Alien.” UGLY and big but not as fast as The Alien, which gives a person time to run away.
I can’t bring myself to post a picture of a potato bug. If you’re that curious or brave, check out this link. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Then there are the springtimes here in Boise when Mormon crickets cover the hiking trails. You can’t step over them or between them. They do NOT share the trail. You have to walk on top of them. Crunch, splat. Ewww. And off the trail, they’re a menace to drivers.
APHIDS. These bugs were not created by any beneficent God. Satan alone owns these little demons. See my blog post about my recent aphid invasion. You’ll cry, you’ll scream, you’ll give up gardening and pave your entire yard.
But, before you think I’m some kind of a bug-hating lunatic and a total Mother Nature phony, I freely admit this:
I do have a slight fondness for earthworms. My sister and I have a contest in the spring to see who can come across the largest earthworm. I’m winning!
And I ADORE Ladybugs, which are actually beetles. It’s the only bug I can pick up without cringing. I talk to them. I compliment them on their lovely attire. And I bought 3,000 of them so they can dine on those damn aphids.